


Just a Pawn

by madelinewrites



Category: Supernatural
Genre: ANGST!!, F/M, sad+angry Cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-28 17:12:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11422473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madelinewrites/pseuds/madelinewrites
Summary: After pulling another of his disappearing acts, Cas realizes how fed up everyone is with him. This time, it’s just too much.





	Just a Pawn

**Author's Note:**

> Pairing: Cas x Reader
> 
> Prompt: SPN Angst Appreciation Day 2017 hosted by @thing-you-do-with-that-thing and @percywinchester27
> 
> Summary: After pulling another of his disappearing acts, Cas realizes how fed up everyone is with him. This time, it’s just too much. 
> 
> Beta: @purgatoan. Thank you to the lovely Karolina!
> 
> Word Count: 
> 
> Warnings: ANGST!!, sad+angry Cas
> 
> A/N: My first angsty Cas! Let me know what you think because FEEDBACK IS ADORED AND NEEDED! EVEN JUST A LIKE!!!

**“You will surely love the world if you enjoy  
being used by people.”   
 _―[Vj Nadar](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.goodreads.com%2Fauthor%2Fshow%2F6983465.Vj_Nadar&t=Y2I3Y2I4YzI4NzNjNzUyNDI0ZGFiMzM3ZTgyOTUzZGRiODBkYjBlNSxuWmpDYXNZaQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AluPKBkHePrWFoEVtGkY0Lg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fdeansleather.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F162164183835%2Fjust-a-pawn&m=1)_  
**

           You sat in your room of the bunker, reading through some lore just for the hell of it. Every book in the place would probably be of use at some point or another, it couldn’t hurt to be well versed in as much of it as possible. Suddenly, you heard several thuds from the bunker’s living area. You quickly stood up, grabbing your gun and peeking around your door frame. Though it wasn’t too much of a relief, there was only an angry Dean thudding down the hall, his face scrunched and red, the veins in his neck popping out.

           “What happened now?” you muttered, sighing. He put out his arms, pointing towards the library.

           “Why don’t you go ask  _him,_  since he’s so in the right?” Dean yelled, stomping off to his room. You nodded, pursing your lips. So, this again; this wasn’t the first time Cas had gone off the grid, whether it be for some undercover mission or just him following orders, he had left you and the Winchesters to the wayside before, even in times of need. Thankfully, nothing was happening of late that made Cas’ presence  _vital_  necessarily, but it ticked everyone off all the same.

           You turned your gun back to safety, tossing it on your bed and heading towards what was sure to be chaos. You knew that Cas wasn’t a bad guy; of course, he genuinely meant well. He was just so gauche sometimes, and social cues just went right over his head. As you reached the end of the hall, Sam began to brush past you. Even he looked disgruntled.

           “Sam,” you called, catching him by the arm. He sighed, turning back around to you.

           “I really don’t want to talk about it right now, Y/n,” he muttered, mustering the nicest smile he could. “I think we all just need some rest.”

           With that, he stalked off to his room, leaving you to face whatever state Cas was in. Cas hated the fights just as much as you did, which is what made you know that whatever called him away from you guys was either super pressing or  _for_  you. Sam kind of got it, still didn’t think it was an excuse for all the lies, and Dean just entirely hated it, no second thought or empathy. You knew you were the only one Cas could talk to, but even you were getting a little sick of all the smoke and mirrors. When you finally entered the library, Cas stood hunched over the table, his breathing visibly heavy. Gingerly, you placed a hand on his shoulder.

           “Cas?” you murmured. He turned his head to you and your stomach flipped; he looked twice as frustrated as both of the boys combined. “You alright?”

           “I’m so tired, Y/n.” He laughed without heart. “All I do, everything, is thought out and done with your best interests in mind. Yet I’m still treated like the villain.” You gave a gentle smile.

           “We all just want to know what’s going on, Cas,” you comforted. “You can’t blame us for that.”

           “I’ve told as much as I can!” Cas yelled, swiping at some books from the table. You glared at him, beginning to pick them up.

           “You know, half the time these books are our only key to solving anything, and seeing as they’re hundreds of years old, maybe we shouldn’t be so rough,” you growled. He shook his head.

           “I will never be able to fit in with you; as much as I try, as hard as I work for you, I am just too different.” He shook his head, his expression now becoming sad. You rolled your eyes, placing the book back in their proper places.

           “Cas, you know better than that. We all love you,” you assured, feeling more like a tired mom than a friend of an angel. He just continued to shake his head.

           “Maybe it’s time I go, this time permanently,” he whispered, more to himself than to you. You approached him, grabbing him by both the shoulders and prompting him to look at you.

           “Listen, I know the boys can be rough on you, and sometimes even I can be, but I promise you we all need you here, Cas.”

           “That’s just it,” he countered, his eyes gloomy. “I am needed, not wanted. Not by anybody.”

           “Everyone is just angry right now, Cas, it’s not the end of the world-“

           “But this isn’t the first time, Y/n!” he insisted. “I am not allowed anything covert, even if it is for your own means! I am treated like a tool, a weapon, not a friend.” You stayed silent for a moment. Was he right? You knew that deep down, both you and the boys cared deeply for Cas, but how often did you show it?

           “Look, Cas, I’m sorry if you feel that way. You’re justified in feeling that way, but you just…you gotta have faith in us. We love you for more than what you do for us; have we not proven that over time?” He looked into the distance, his expression becoming like a stone.

           “I was a fool for thinking I could fit in among humans, let alone be accepted by them,” he muttered, shaking your hands off his shoulders.

           “Cas, don’t do this,” you pleaded, feeling a deep pit in your stomach.            

           “Don’t worry,” he shot back, the edge still in his voice. “I’ll do my best to keep you alive, but I will no longer go any further than that.”

           His voice cracked as he spoke, his face crumpling as he began to cry. You tried to step closer to him, for a hug or a pat or  _anything_  to comfort him, but he just stepped back, shaking his head.

           “No,” he asserted. “I’m done being a pawn. Good luck, Y/n. Out of all of you, I think you were the closest to accepting me.”

           With that, he was gone, just disappeared out of thin air. You sighed heavily, plopping down into a chair. You rubbed your eyes, resting your head on the table. It seemed like everything just kept going wrong, no matter what you did. You eventually heaved yourself from the chair, heading to your bedroom. Sam was right; you all needed some rest. You went to bed that night, praying endlessly to Cas or whoever would listen, that by the time you woke up everything would be back to normal. You could only hope.

**Author's Note:**

> Also found at: http://deansleather.tumblr.com/post/162164183835/just-a-pawn


End file.
